Dear Readers,
Welcome to a new and deeply personal series on my blog called “Dear Me.” This series marks the beginning of a heartfelt project where I will be writing letters to myself as a way to navigate through life’s complexities, reflect on my experiences, and encourage personal growth. You will find that much of my dialogue includes God. That is just my way.The inspiration for this series comes from a younger version of myself who started writing letters to my grandmother after she passed away from brain cancer. It was a way to cope with one of the hardest times of my life. It evolved into letters to God, expressing how upset I was with Him. Now, I realize the conversation I desperately need to have is with myself. This is an intimate and honest conversation to understand the path God has me on. These letters are my attempt to reach the core of my being, to confront my fears, embrace my vulnerabilities, and nurture my spirit. By sharing these reflections with you, I hope to offer a window into my journey of self-discovery and healing. Life often throws us into situations where we seek external validation and answers, but true strength and wisdom lie within us. Through these letters, I aim to reconnect with my inner voice, the Holy Spirit, and find the courage to move forward in healing. I invite you to read along, find solace in shared experiences, and perhaps even start your own journey of self-dialogue. You can email me your own letters at info@preparedforreign.com. I’d love to post them here, either anonymously or publicly.Your support and understanding mean the world to me. Let’s embark on this path of introspection and growth together, with open hearts and minds.
With love and gratitude,
Renee Bhagwandeen
Dear Me, Letter #1
I know you are feeling confused and torn, your mind swirling with conflicting thoughts and emotions. It’s like you’re in a constant battle with yourself, trying to surrender but holding back out of fear. This confusion is overwhelming, and it’s okay to admit that. It’s okay to feel lost sometimes. You’re fighting a part of yourself because you’re scared of failing, and if you do fail, it’s easier to blame God than to take responsibility. I understand this defense mechanism, this fear of stepping into the unknown and the comfort of attributing it to divine will. But deep down, you know that you cannot keep blaming external forces for what you must confront within.
You’ve realized that you’re stuck on a hamster wheel, repeating the same patterns over and over again. This cycle is exhausting, and it’s time to break free. You seek approval and validation from others, constantly trying to look good in their eyes. But this need for external approval is a trap that keeps you from truly understanding and accepting yourself. Recognize that seeking others’ approval is not the path to fulfillment. Instead, it is a diversion from your true purpose and potential.
Ask yourself the tough questions. What do you truly want? Are you living your life for yourself or for others? It’s time to be vulnerable and honest with yourself. These questions may be uncomfortable, but they are necessary for growth. You have to confront your fears and insecurities to move forward. It’s not about being perfect or having all the answers; it’s about being real with yourself and acknowledging your struggles. Only by facing these truths can you start to change the cycle you’ve been trapped in.
Take care of your spirit, mind, and body as one cohesive unit. This body, your home, deserves care and respect. Drink water, eat healthily, rest well, and nurture your mental and emotional well-being. Align your physical actions with your spiritual goals. You’ve achieved so much by operating from the physical realm, but now it’s time to integrate all parts of yourself. Spiritual growth is just as important as physical accomplishments. You can no longer ignore the emotional and mental aspects of your being.
Give yourself the grace to make mistakes and to be imperfect. You are not a failure if things don’t go as planned. Embrace the journey, not just the destination. Understand that every step you take, whether it seems successful or not, is a part of your growth. There is no wrong way to live your life. Every experience, every challenge, every triumph shapes who you are. You are on a continuous path of learning and evolving, and that in itself is beautiful.
Remember, you are loved, and you are enough just as you are. It’s okay to be uncomfortable and to not have all the answers. What matters is that you keep moving forward with faith and self-compassion. You deserve to live a life that aligns with your true self, not just a life that looks good on the outside. Trust in your journey, and believe in your ability to find your way.
With love and understanding,
-Renee Bhagwandeen
This week, I had the courage to face back surgery, say no to work, and take care of myself by setting healthy boundaries. I am proud of me and who I’m becoming!!!
